farters have to be the big spoon...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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