Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Four minutes until I can fart!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
