She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
