Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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