4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
