So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
