I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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