i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
