Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
