I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
