I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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