Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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