i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
