this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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