i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
