Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
