I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
