i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize