it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
