dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
