No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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