I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
