its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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