Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
