thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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