Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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