im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
