your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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