we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
