I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
