He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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