pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have demons in me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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