I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
