1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize