the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
