so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
