drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
