Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
