what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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