eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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