dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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