i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Vodka?
Forever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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