11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
