So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Couch. On fire.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
