the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
