Only a mothe r could love this liver
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
