She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
