after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
