Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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