i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize