i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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