Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
