The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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