not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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