NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
