Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
