my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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