I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize