Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
