o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize