If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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