if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
