i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize