if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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