these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
