dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize