I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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