Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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